By Leila Briggs
Following in mother’s blog footsteps, I thought I would share my pre-birth story and reflection on my family line.
I have a few memories of visiting my parents or family prior to my birth.
The most vivid memory I have is being with my sister, waiting for my father in the break room of his work. I held my sister’s hand as we waited for him to enter and grab a coffee. When he entered, we immediately approached him and we told him who our mother was. We had a few additional choice words for him. HA! We lovingly told him he needed to get his life together and make the right choice. I believed he registered us on some level. He looked petrified.
When my mother and I began healing our relationship, long after my father had passed, I shared this memory with her. She asked me to describe the break room (she worked at the same location as my father for a time). I described it perfectly, down to the paint on the wall!
She shared with me that while dating, my father, broke off their relationship the minute she expressed her desire for a serious commitment (marriage). They were separated for many months and during that separation, she had dreams of my birthdate (which I am to understand was very frustrating and confusing for her). It seemed impossible from her perspective. How could I be conceived if they were separated? However, my father had a sudden change of heart and he would never share with her as to why.
My mother and I over the years have debated if it was this “visitation” prior to my birth that caused his change of heart.
I also visited my mother when she was in her early twenties with similar sentiments. I was alone and my recollection is less vivid. (She had me when she was 33, so if this memory is true, I visited her a decade before my birth!)
I recall her playing a piano and I was doing everything I could to get her attention. I was getting more and more frustrated as I felt unheard. She stayed focused on her music. I recall feeling like my energy was getting desperate, pushing out in chaotic spurts.
Physically, my mother has a vivid memory of playing her piano and feeling someone or something around her. She decided to ignore the sensations and stayed focused on her playing. Suddenly a rosary flew off the piano and onto the floor. She calmly picked it up, placed it back where it belonged and decided to end her piano session.
Was this me throwing a temper tantrum before I was born?!
There isn’t a doubt in my mind, the family I chose, is the reason I do not have a “veil” as some would say. So much of my spiritual journey the last two decades has been guided and dictated by my family lines. The intense spiritual belief, connection, and even physical trauma of my ancestors has been the very foundation of all that I have learned, used, and share. Their legacy is my legacy and every success I achieve is built off of the pathway they carved.
(Actually, it was 3 days after my 17th birthday)
Wow. I feel like you wrote half of what I went through. I too, was happy with his passing because the mental abuse wouldn't continue on. I was forced into helping my mom survive financially but wasn't given any benefits or rights after I started paying rent.
I also was supposed to be looking into colleges and figuring out what to do after graduation, yet I missed a bunch of classes and barely graduated high school. My mom couldn't even begin to help me with college.
I ended up moving out into my bofriend's place (also without telling my mom about it or getting her permission) but continued paying "rent" so…
I don't know if this is the correct area to ask the question, but I'm curious what or why you and your mom had to heal your relationship. I too, lost my father. He passed 3 days after my 17th birthday and we also had a rough relationship. I honestly felt relieved when he passed. I recently (happened this past Saturday) had a realization of the depth of despair I went through during his passing and what I had to endure at that time.
I could see in a single moment where it all began to deteriorate between my mom and I. I too, am building back up our relationship.
So out of curiosity, since we have slightly similar stories,…