Everyday Grief

By Trish Briggs

Last week I discussed my grief associated with various losses throughout my life. This week, I would like to discuss the every-day grief that came to the surface as my abilities developed.

Our perception of grief is many times associated only with the grief we experience with a trauma, and we overlook the subtle feelings of grief that we experience every day. It is understandable that this happens because whenever there is trauma, there is grief. However, grief can exist without trauma. Grief accompanies any loss and is something we experience every day to greater and lesser degrees (dependent on what is lost and how much it mattered to us). As one’s emotional awareness and finer sensitivities develop, this distinction becomes apparent.

As adults, many times, we no longer allow ourselves to register the small things we grieve. When I was a child, I was told not to be dramatic when I was grieving the loss of something my parents felt was small and insignificant. As a result, I was conditioned to ignore my day- to- day grief. The childhood lesson I learned was that once the grief was associated with a trauma it was okay to acknowledge it! Despite ignoring the loss, the feelings of grief were still present for things lost that others felt were insignificant. These feelings were unacknowledged by others, and more importantly also by me. I lost touch with associating the every-day occurrence of grief with a personal loss. 

As my emotional awareness and sensitivities developed, I came to realize that grief is a natural part of the life cycle that we experience every day. Once we accept this concept, it is easier to become familiar with subtle feelings of grief and let the energy of every-day grief gently flow through us. When the grief is unacknowledged, it remains as unprocessed emotion (energy) within our energy field, and eventually will compromise our subtle energy system if left unattended. It is through acceptance and letting the feelings flow, or process, that we avoid turning every-day grief into trauma associated grief.

My general reaction to every-day grief is a feeling of sadness. Like many of you, I have had multiple episodes where I have felt sadness and never knew the source. Probably I was feeling grief over a loss that I was not acknowledging (conditioned mindset). I have discovered that once I acknowledge the loss, the pain of grief is more manageable, acceptable, and the sadness lessens with ease and grace. Remember we don’t need trauma to feel sad and every-day grief does not invoke trauma (unless you ignore it and let the different losses compound into something bigger and more serious). 

I want to end by discussing the grief that we feel during our self-healing work (journeys of self-discovery). Healing has the potential to be a very traumatic experience if you do not give yourself enough time to process all the emotions you are bringing to the surface. A good portion of emotions that you will be feeling is grief. You are letting go, healing, aligning (etc.) the old version of you with the now-you. You are mindfully losing stuff. I know firsthand about the rush to beat the clock syndrome that our higher purpose inspires. (We all feel that we are running out of time at some point.) Remember you oversee your own healing, and you can pace it accordingly to what best suits you. If you give yourself enough time to process the grief as it presents itself, your healing will be more graceful and less likely traumatic. (Hydration also helps in the processing!) You got this!